Many people blame or credit their parents for their situations. For adoptees, this can be a little more complicated as we have two sets of parents to either blame or credit. So now what?
For me, I noticed that as a child, adoption was more of a topic that I knew about but often suppressed for lack of a vocabulary to express what I was experiencing inside. I also struggled with whom to tell my struggles to. Some people did not want to hear what I could not even put into words. Others were self-proclaimed therapists who were quick to diagnose and dismiss. Trust me, many of those diagnosis were off the wall. Even Freud would have run.
Over the years, I have heard stories ranging from horror to tear jerking feel good tales about adoption. I listened intently to accounts from adoptees, birth parents, adoptive families and even social workers. I have poured over books, blogs, social media and coffee dates. The different encounters all have one thread in common, perspective, and that changes everything. Some perspectives make the storyteller angry and others bring hope as they recount the details.
So now, as I am in my 40's and am now in the coming-to-terms-on-my-terms era of life I am realizing that sharing my experiences with others and not necessarily looking for blame but rather acceptance. Furthermore the “now what” is actually therapeutic for me. Not only does it heal my wounds and give me revelation, it helps others unpack their unresolved issues as well. In a way, it is my way of giving me permission to make something of the tragedy.
I am at the “now what” stage. My “now what” is making something of my testimony and encouraging others to do the same. My blog and my webpage is only the start to what will be a resource for others.